When Letting Go Makes Room For Something New
The Sunk Cost Fallacy - have you heard of it? Coined in the 80's by behavioural economist Richard Thaler, it's a cognitive bias that causes people to continue doing things or staying with a decision based on the perceived cost/value of past investments (of time, money, effort...and I'd add emotions too), even though there are either no longer any positive returns, or any other rational reason to continue... in fact, staying could even be detrimental.
I find it fascinating as we humans are such curious little creatures! Often acting so unconsciously in service to mysterious beliefs like our identity (or ego - who we think we are), or what we THINK other people might think of us (either positive or negative).
I spend SO MUCH TIME in my therapy room helping people uncover and unravel these unconscious biases - we all have them!
And as humans we are also always balancing the scales of attachment and authenticity - our desire to be lovingly connected to others AND be our true selves. Both of these come together when we're weighing up what to let go of and what to keep in certain seasons and chapters of our lives.
Some reasons we might stay stuck (within ourselves, with someone or with something) include that humans don't love loss - it causes real pain which is something we are hard wired to avoid as much as possible so it's more comfortable to stay, even when something sucks, because it's easier to fear the pain of losing it than it is to imagine the joy or positivity of having something new or different.
On the identity side of things, we might hate the idea of loss/losing whether that be emotional, time or physical resources invested in something. We might also feel some friction around the idea of commitment to ourselves, or others - and by stepping away from something you said you'd do it becomes a psychological need to stay aligned - with past choices, and what you make it mean about the versions of yourself - the one who sees things through, commits, perseveres vs. the one who gives up, cuts and runs, disappoints others, FAILS (oof!).
Can you relate? It gets complicated huh! It's amazing how the little rules and expectations we set on ourselves can send up costing us so much!
I often describe dilemmas like this to my clients as a tangled ball of wool/string (or of necklaces when they annoyingly get caught up together!). The only way out is to gently work one individual string for a while - following it where it interacts and intersects with others - and maybe exploring and loosening those connections too. And with patience and time, you may eventually unravel the mess into something that makes sense and is functional - even BEAUTIFUL! And can be the raw material to create something new as well.
But there may also be parts that are no longer useful, beautiful or suitable for the version of us that is emerging - and so, we're invited to engage in the process of letting go.
So whether you're spring cleaning your house, your mind, your relationships or your life consider what you might be holding on to that's really just a sunk cost. If you can accept that, and allow yourself to let go - through ritual, sacrifice, transformation - you may actually CREATE SPACE (and maybe even energy, money and time!).
If this is alive for you right now, I warmly invite you to book 1 hour 20 minute discovery session with me.
Ramone
